Rousillon. The COUNT'S palace
| COUNTESS. | Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of your
breeding.
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| CLOWN. | I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. I know my
business is but to the court.
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| COUNTESS. | To the court! Why, what place make you special, when you
put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
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| CLOWN. | Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may
easily put it off at court. He that cannot make a leg, put off's
cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip,
nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for
the court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all men.
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| COUNTESS. | Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
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| CLOWN. | It is like a barber's chair, that fits all buttocks-the pin
buttock, the quatch buttock, the brawn buttock, or any buttock.
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| COUNTESS. | write_ads(1,1)> Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
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| CLOWN. | As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your
French crown for your taffety punk, as Tib's rush for Tom's
forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove Tuesday, a morris for Mayday,
as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding
quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's
mouth; nay, as the pudding to his skin.
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| COUNTESS. | Have you, I, say, an answer of such fitness for all
questions?
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| CLOWN. | From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit
any question.
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| COUNTESS. | It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit
all demands.
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| CLOWN. | But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should
speak truth of it. Here it is, and all that belongs to't. Ask me
if I am a courtier: it shall do you no harm to learn.
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| COUNTESS. | write_ads(1,1)> To be young again, if we could, I will be a fool in
question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir,
are you a courtier?
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| CLOWN. | O Lord, sir!-There's a simple putting off. More, more, a
hundred of them.
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| COUNTESS. | Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
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| CLOWN. | O Lord, sir!-Thick, thick; spare not me.
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| COUNTESS. | I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
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| CLOWN. | O Lord, sir!-Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.
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| COUNTESS. | You were lately whipp'd, sir, as I think.
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| CLOWN. | O Lord, sir!-Spare not me.
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| COUNTESS. | Do you cry 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and
'spare not me'? Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very sequent to your
whipping. You would answer very well to a whipping, if you
were but bound to't.
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| CLOWN. | I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord, sir!' I see
thing's may serve long, but not serve ever.
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| COUNTESS. | I play the noble housewife with the time,
To entertain it so merrily with a fool.
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| CLOWN. | O Lord, sir!-Why, there't serves well again.
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| COUNTESS. | An end, sir! To your business: give Helen this,
And urge her to a present answer back;
Commend me to my kinsmen and my son. This is not much.
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| CLOWN. | Not much commendation to them?
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| COUNTESS. | Not much employment for you. You understand me?
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| CLOWN. | Most fruitfully; I am there before my legs.
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| COUNTESS. | Haste you again
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